These beliefs and understandings create an orgasm timer that limits your orgasmic experience. Here’s a scenario that regularly occurs in my sessions:
I facilitate a sexual healing session for a woman. She orgasms. I notice she’s starting to drop off the orgasm. I tell her, ‘You are still coming.’ She says, ‘No, I’m not.’ A few seconds later, her body shakes or convulses and she says, ‘Oh, yes, I am.’ She then enters an orgasmic state, which goes on for minutes, and sometimes longer.
‘There I was, a person who not so long ago felt almost asexual and pleasure-phobic, in a sort of full body orgasm that lasted for more than two hours.’
Women commonly bring about the premature ending of an orgasmic peak by perceiving it as something that has already happened and has faded away. But by changing your attitude and understanding orgasm as an opening, a portal or the entrance to a range of sensations and pleasures, you can make the transition into extended orgasmic states and multiple orgasms.
The good news is that once you are aware of your tendency of cutting your orgasm short, you are able to ‘remove the orgasm timer’ by affirming a new set of attitudes.
Attitudes that support extended orgasms
I invite you to try on the following attitudes for size and notice how they can shift your orgasmic experience:
• An orgasm is a state, not just a momentary occurrence or ‘peak.’
• The peak is just the beginning; an orgasm can be deepened and expanded from a single peak into a high ‘plateau.’
• Orgasm can be experienced as whole-body pleasure, not just a momentary and localized ‘peak.’
• The moments before and after a ‘peak’ are also an orgasmic experience, which can be deepened and expanded.
• Every small wave of pleasure is an orgasmic experience, like a mini-orgasm, and this understanding allows orgasmic states to be experienced more easily.
• Extended orgasms require an avoidance of clitoral orgasms, given they deplete energy and entrench a pattern of arousal, peak and resolution.
• Relaxation and letting go is the key; the body knows what to do.
• Openness, acceptance and surrender are critical. Let go of control.
• Extended orgasms can feel very intense, overwhelming or ‘too much.’ Opening and surrendering to the experience is required.
• Intensity is to be embraced and relaxed into without needing to understand it or control it.
These attitudes are the ones I share with my clients that enable them to experience deeper and extended orgasms. They are foundational to any techniques that are used to support orgasm. So once you embody an orgasmic attitude, you can easily deepen your orgasms with a few simple techniques, many of which we have explored earlier in this book.
How to expand your orgasm?
Expanding your orgasm uses similar techniques to orgasming for the first time. So, let’s recap the techniques that not only support orgasm, but also enable you to expand and deepen your orgasm into an orgasmic state and engulf your whole body with pleasure:
• Relax – This is so important. So many people and even teachers focus on technique, effort and movement. I want to make it crystal clear that one of the most important things you can ‘do’ in your sex life is to learn how to relax. When you are relaxed, you can get more aroused. Then, if you stay relaxed, you are better able to orgasm and keep orgasming. I know that relaxing is easier said than done, but if you know and remember that this is one of the most crucial elements of orgasm, you might just allow yourself to relax rather than worrying about some acrobatic orgasm technique.
• Breathe – Full belly breaths are important. You can experiment with the techniques of fast mouth breathing and full retention, as described in the Breath topic earlier. When you are holding a full breath in, send it down to your genitals.
• Continuous sound – As you are starting to orgasm, take a deep breath and make a continuous ‘Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh’ sound. Inhale quickly and exhale slowly, with sound. This is a way to stay focused, keep the energy moving and open the throat chakra. It also to tricks your subconscious into believing, ‘There is a sound, so I’m probably still orgasming.’ Explore other sounds described in the earlier Sound topic.
• Movement – Create gentle convulsions through your spine; move your hips back and forth, side to side, in circles and bounce them on ground. Check out the earlier Movement topic for more ideas here.
• Touch – Use the five elements to touch yourself while you are orgasming, or focus on the element that works best for you. Also explore the element that challenges you, because it might be the missing ingredient.
• Express your emotions – Many women don’t orgasm or don’t experience deep orgasms because they stop themselves from expressing their emotions. They constrict their breath and their throat. You should keep breathing, relax your jaw and throat, and make sounds to express what you are feeling.
• Focus on the sensations – Some women ‘lose’ their orgasm because their mind drifts away. Keep focusing on the sensations in your body. Remember that where awareness goes, energy flows.
• Ride the wave – One of the main ideas or techniques you can use to expand your orgasms is to see an orgasm like a wave in the ocean. You need to ‘ride the wave’ of pleasure sensations and stay on the wave in order to stay in the orgasm. If your orgasm is decreasing in intensity, intensify the arousal so you stay on the orgasmic wave.
• Use the ‘edging’ technique – You can practice ‘edging’ and ‘the pause’ to help stay on the verge of orgasm for longer periods. You will notice that the whole experience becomes an orgasmic experience. This is what I call a ‘mild orgasmic state.’
• Keep it ‘down there’ – If you tend to ‘lose’ your orgasm because all of your sexual energy shoots up to your higher chakras, practice keeping your energy in your genital area. You can do this by pressing your hand on your labia, squeezing your muscles, bouncing your buttocks on the mattress and, most importantly, keeping the focus of your mind in your yoni. Keep doing this while you are orgasming and between orgasms. Your sexual energy will stay in your genitals and allow you to keep orgasming, while some of it will still shoot up and spread to your entire body. Learn about Semenax.
• Keep stimulating – Many women orgasm and then stop stimulating and moving. This is related to the ‘orgasm timer’ and to an entrenched, limiting belief that says that an orgasm happens once and signifies the end of the sexual experience. Instead, keep doing whatever gets you to orgasm, both during and after your orgasm. This might keep the orgasm going, or facilitate another orgasm within a few seconds.
• Vaginal contractions – Contracting your vaginal muscles can bring about an orgasm. When you start to orgasm, keep your muscles contracted while you have the orgasm and as long as you can. This keeps the sexual energy flowing and gives a message to your subconscious that, ‘My vagina is contracting so I’m probably still orgasming.’ This can make your orgasms longer and stronger. Remember to completely relax your vagina before and during orgasms at other times. Learn about Magna RX.
• Visualization – Imagine that you are climbing a hill. The hill represents the level of your pleasure and orgasm. Use some of the techniques above so you rise up the hill. Don’t focus on the effort. Keep stoking your orgasmic fire as you are orgasming. Go even higher. At times, you can allow yourself to plateau for a few minutes, but then keep climbing. The higher you get, the better the view.
• Orgasmic affirmations – When you are about to orgasm, say something like, ‘I’m coming, I’m coming,’ and keep repeating it even when you feel your orgasm has subsided. You could also try saying, ‘Yes … yes … yes.’ If you are with a partner, ask him to repeatedly say things as you are orgasming, such as, ‘You are still coming … yes … you can stay there … stay on the wave.’ (For more couple-practices, check out the online resources section at www.intimatepower.com/orgasm-book-resources).